Mental Mindsets: The Goose and the Gander

goose and ganderHow many times have you heard someone say “what is good for the goose is good for the gander?” This phrase is most commonly used to defend the speaker’s actions in a relationship.

Example: Person A in the relationship is accused of cheating. In retaliation, person B goes out and has a fling. To ease his/her own guilt, person B will tell him/herself and other people that “what is good for the goose is good for the gander.” If person A can cheat on me, then I can cheat on them.

Stay SingleThis same scenario happens when person B finds out that person A has lied about something, spent money without telling person B, has contacted an ex for any reason, is seen talking/texting to another person that might be of romantic interest, or any number of other reasons. Sometimes person B doesn’t have a real reason so they make up something that they think person A might do.

I refer to this as the “I’ve been done wrong” mindset. For the readers who are not familiar with mental mindsets, a mindset can simply be described as having a set way of thinking of reacting in a certain situation. Many people have many different mindsets without realizing it.

I understand that it hurts when you find out that you have been cheated on/lied to/ etc. but you need to stop and ask yourself some very important questions before you decide to retaliate.

BlameQuestion 1: Are you sure the injustice actually happened? Do you have physical evidence that the person you love did said injustice? Do not take the word of someone else. Person C may just be jealous of the relationship you have, may be unhappy in his/her own life, or may be trying to break up your relationship to get with person A. Also make sure that the said injustice is not something you have imagined happed.

Question 2: Is it going to make the pain go away if you do the same thing to the other person? In most cases, the answer to that is going to be a no.

relationshipsQuestion 3: Can you live with the guilt of hurting the person you love? Often times, our first reaction to being hurt is to hurt in return. Once the initial pain passes, most people realize that they love the other person too much to cause pain in retaliation.

Question 4: Can you forgive the other person for the wrong doing? Do you love the other person enough to move past the said injustice and continue trying to make the relationship work?

Question 5: Is the crime worth the punishment? If the crime is cheating/lying/etc. and the punishment is the end of the relationship, are you willing to throw away your relationship rather than try to make it work?

relationshipsThe next time you get in the goose and the gander mindset, stop and ask yourself these questions. If you are willing to end the relationship instead of trying to make it work, you should probably walk away instead of trying to get even with the other person.

 

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